Found on Facebook

Ha....

set

about 2 weeks to go...
received my train tickets....reservations are set for most of the trip.
birthday 48 is just over the horizon.

talking with someone the other day. I mentioned by birthday coming up and the standard, ugh....i'm getting old...i hate my birthday...it reminds me of how old i'm getting.

first thing, i hate people that bitch about mundane shit. after about five, you know your birthday is coming, get used to it...

there are a lot of things i like about myself but the birthday tradition is near the top. I may shelve the travel part eventually, which isn't the main focus of the tradition, the main focus is to be where you want to be and reflect on where you've been in the last year and ready myself for the year coming up.

my twenties and some of my thirties washed past me before i realized how much had left. the birthday tradition helps me keep all of that in hand, holding on the that time, with value attached to it.

time here will be gone soon enough.

work is wearing my out. this trip is coming just in time.

counting down....

the week...

Ever have a week where the universe keeps punching you in the nuts and just keeps it coming.
Yea...one of those.
It wasn't the worst week. I will survive but I was definitely going to enjoy the end.

Today, I feel better.
I booked my ticket for my birthday and the hotel where I will be on my birthday.
I scaled back from past years. I've been blowing it out and I'm going to hit many things during the year so I'm not depriving myself.
I'm still luckier than I could have imagined I would be ....Ha!
Here is a sign that things are turing around.
On my new years trip I we stopped by philadelphia. My favorite sandwich of all time, the italian roast pork sandwich with spicy hot peppers. AMAZING!
I loved it like I did the first time I had it.

This morning, I get a message on face book. My friend, Paul Caballero, who lives in New York. He's going to philadelphia but I get the message to late because of the time difference. I tell him he should stop by the Reading Market for the Dinic's pork sandwich.

I get a message a few minutes later...He's on his way with his family...he heard about it on travel channel.

Even if I'm having a bad week over here .....my doppelgänger in new york is on the right track....
That is all...

see you in hell

Thanks to facebook, I've been riding a wave of atheistic fervor.
With the tragedies in the world and no sense to make of it my faith in some sort of higher power is empty. And it's liberating... That being said...
The idea of the impending mayan prediction of apocalypse I decided to hedge my bet.
I'm taking off work early friday and enjoy the day just in case the world splits open and we are all hurled into space like so much meat.
If I'm wrong, fuck, work will be there...If not....Hey...where do you want to be when the end comes....
I'm not going to be a work, for this one at least.

run

I've been up and down for the past few months. It happens. It's what I do. But in the last few weeks I've been working on some things.
I've been reading. I've wanted to get some books off my list and I"m working on it.
Cleaning. I'm not so good with this but I'm doing something.
The best part is running. It's going slow. My legs hurt and my mind isn't as focused as it used to be.
I used to run for and hour or more. Push. and slow. and push. and stay in my groove but now it's hard. My mind wanders and I fade.
I'm not who I was ten years ago so I'm not panicking. It's disappointing that I've lost that time but now I have to invent myself again.
I may not be who I was but it means I'll be something new.
Ten years ago is a long time.
I've had several lives since then. All of them pretty fucking good.
I've started a new journal and another chapter in this life.

possum

Last night, watching TV, I heard the cat rusting in the catfood louder than usual.
I didn't notice the cat was at the end of the couch.
I got up to see why the cat was making so much noise and there was a medium sized possum in my kitchen.
I politely asked him to leave and he did.
I keep the back door closed now but I think the possum was some sort of sign for me to get off my ass and do things.
A possum.
Nice.

dead

Carroll Shelby ...dead

Adam 'MCA' Yauch...dead

Junior Seau...dead

Dick Clark...dead

Mike Wallace...dead

All of these people died this year. Some just a few days ago. I did not know any of them or met them but they were part of what I knew of the world growing up. 

They were icons. 

I've had a curious relationship with death in my life. It evolves. 

The when I read Carroll Shelby had died I had an unexpected reaction. 

The Cobra. The GT40. In my 20's and 30's the idea of racing or even driving those cars pushed me through college (not very hard apparently but the effect was there.)

The man who created those beasts is dead and I felt challenged. 

Challenged. 

I thought about the idea and passion to create those cars. The passion to create music. To become an athlete. When those people die I felt like I was challenged. 

Look what I did fucker....top it...

Maybe not top it but at least turn on it ....do something I do and really do it. 

Hearing the news mourning, and it is absolutely a shame that good people, creative people, contributors die, hearing that low, sad, headshaking tone, it felt like that spirit, that passion was really going to die with them. As if no one else could do what they did. 

But it can be, should be done, every day. 

When I was in college I hoped one day I would win the Nobel prize. Physics, Literature, Peace. I was really pulling for Physics but the odds of getting the call from Stockholm now are long but its not disappointing. 

I travel, I write, I draw, I see, I hear, I taste, everything, everyday. 

When I put it together that people that create and contribute live and show what can be done they die it is the signal to do it for yourself. 

Hopefully that signal is received beforehand. 

As long as it is received that is what is important.