What a life...

I have more than I dreamed I could have when I was a kid. I hoped I would get a good job. Have a little house, wife , kids then pretty much wait to die. That's what I thought it was about.

Let me tell you about my morning. From my hotel room checked my stocks, looked at a few new ones. Listened to some dodger radio. Drew a couple of pictures. Coffee across from the hotel looking at the walls of the kremlin.
This is bragging. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've created and the millions of things my parents, friends, brothers and sisters have done to make all this possible. I think it would be a crime not to enjoy it all.
Leaving the hotel national today. This is. One of my favorite hotels ever. History, comfort , style. Amazing.
Out yesterday I saw one on stalin's seven sisters. So massive and impressive it is difficult to describe how powerful an image it is. Just thinking about it it was as impressive as the pyramids at Giza. Different. Very different but makes you feel small.
Next hotel is in one of the seven sisters.
Trying to get some pics here will get some soon.
Train in two days

Feet

Slept the night away yesterday. The election going on and protests, counter protests I stayed in.
Today walked on random directions. Through red square, past St basils, changed money off the main street in a little window.
Cold. Twenties, teens. Not bad, just keep moving.
I got short glances as people would pass me. Suspicious, odd looks, just for a second as they went by. I'm not a local and I figured the stink on me was easy to spot when I realized I was the only person in the city wearing sunglasses.
In my defense it's snowing and the wind is blowing. To me it made sense. Most people had red tense faces from walking in the cold wind but when the cops eyeballed me I adopted the squinty tense face as well.
St basils ... Closed for the election. Kermlin... Same. Pushkin museum ... Closed on Mondays.
So I walked. Not bad. I still cannot read a fucking thing and the 7-11 type store does not exist here or I have not found it. The 7-11 is great Shen I'm on the road and a bitch when it's not around.
Out and about. Thermal. Insulated jacket. I was ok until the dusting of snow got heavier. Wind started to bite and my windproof jacket was at the hotel. Fuck.
Turned back and I'm getting a coat of snow on me so I ducked in for some coffee. Read my book for a bit. Waited it out.
My feet start to hurt.
Got back to the hotel and I'm getting blisters on both feet.
Change shoes tomorrow. Not as warm but I sure I can walk in them.
Four days to the train.

Moscow

There are two reasons I take these trips and the way I take them.
One is to mark time. I decided a while ago I wasn't going to wake up , feeble and full of regret because my time just slipped past me. I want to fill my time with as much as I can before it's all gone. No regrets.
The second is to test myself. I cut back the planning a little bit more each trip to see if I can survive... Adapt. One day I won't. That day will suck but today was not that day and it was good.

Twelve hours on the plane. Long then into the terminal. Customs , immigration... No problem. Then out...catch the train into the city. Comfy...a little wifi, some water. Not too cold. Feeling good.
Train pulls into the station and I'm out.
Up to now there gas been English on everything..but now I can't read a fucking thing. Everything is gibberish. I looked in the book on the way over and Cyrillic has letters which look roman but don't have the same sound so announcements don't help me. FUCK!
So I adapt. Follow the crowd. Good...they get me to the metro.
I check the station I'm looking for but I have the roman letters. I can't keep the Cyrillic straight in my head. Look at the map. My hotel is two stations down! Yea!
Hop on the train. Good! No. Wrong train. Map. Read. Map. Read. Go back. Map. Sign. Read. Ok.
Two stations down.
Off the train at the second station. Wrong. Signs. Read. Read. Look. Read. Fuck...
Wait! My station connects to this one. You might think I would ask someone but the struggle us part of it. I know, sick but it works.
Sign. Follow long stucco corridors with chandeliers in the stations. Steep escalators take us down to the pit then up into the open cold.
Turn. Up. Turn. Yes! Right station!
I'm out in the street. There is the fucking kremlin!
Soldiers are everywhere. It's the Putin election. People are ok. No demonstrations but I don't know everything so I follow my map.
I'm getting dusted by snow. Tshirt, jeans and my snow jacket. It's cold but I'm close.
A soldier saw I was lost and pointed me to the hotel.
Yea!
Hotel national. Historic landmark. Government was formed here. My rewards club upgraded me to a studio. Oh! This is the way to go! Red velvet chairs on old parkay heated floor. The bed high and heated too overlooking a side street. Snow falling on the window. Quiet.
Sleep.
This was a tough day. I'm close to my limit but I can still get through shit.
It's 2 am. Wandering tomorrow. Later today actually. First day of a long trip. No bad.
Hungry,
Sleep.

the day before

Laundry, dishes, tv...
Usually I'm right to the airport at the first opportunity for my vacation. This time, day before and couple of days after, free. It's relaxing. I'm learning a bit about what works for me.
It's about fucking time...

tomorrow...the air port....

It's going to be fun....

the drama continues...

The last few days have been ok. Shit is still happening that is annoying but for the most part things are on the right track. I don't feel 100% but i'll get there.
I am doing better than my christian doppleganger. This blog is not going to become a repost of his life on facebook but when I got home I was in an iffy mood. Ate, started a movie and checked facebook for a second and this is what I found....

going to have a sad x-mas without the person i love hope she will come back...posted 3 hours ago ...

A little whiney but we've all been there right...
Scrolled down and found this...

need a roommate....posted 4 hours ago ...

I laughed out loud.
I know I've been hit by some busses in my time and everytime I learned and for the most part have not been hit (seriously) by the same bus twice. Apparently in alternate universes, I have not learned that lesson yet.

trip

Ok, that last post was a downer. this won't be much better but at least its a different subject.

The plan for this years trip has been set for some time but now I'm going through the bureaucracy of getting government approvals and that blows. I'm still going, getting jerked around for no good reason is annoying.

I don't feel any better.

the facebook mirror

Haven't posted a bit but things have been going on.
My last post was a little disjointed so let me clear it up.

On facebook, I added a bunch of Paul Caballero's to see if the life i'm living here is similar to the life I'm living in other bodies in other parts of the world. Apparently, I'm pretty much the same everywhere.

The most disturbing me is a Christian living in texas that does not write very well. He will go silent for a while then go on jags where he posts how great god is and to follow the word. Three four posts in ten minutes. Scary.

When I see him post I'm fascinated but scared. Is there part of me in there too? Probably. As we will see, definitely.

Broke up with the girlfriend. It's been a few weeks. I've been down but handling it.

Checking facebook...What do I see...these are direct quotes from psycho christian me...

BrokeN
This is for the broken hearted.
I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too.

then days later...

You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent

followed by...

i feel so broken inside that it making me cry they said a man does cry i do that a lie when u love someone u cry like a babe plz can one or two of my tell me what to do

Holy shit...!
I'll spare the previous posts where in the space of 20 hours he professes his love for the girl that was his new girlfriend and now it's busted on the side of the road. I remember being that paul caballero...Not too long ago...whoa...

I wrote poems, I cried until my cheeks hurt but fuck I didn't even think I could remember those times.

I posted on the christian me's page to hang on, let it feel as bad as it does because it will get better.

I learned that lesson but wow...to see me having to learn it again....from far away...wow....

the internet is a strange place...