the drama continues...

The last few days have been ok. Shit is still happening that is annoying but for the most part things are on the right track. I don't feel 100% but i'll get there.
I am doing better than my christian doppleganger. This blog is not going to become a repost of his life on facebook but when I got home I was in an iffy mood. Ate, started a movie and checked facebook for a second and this is what I found....

going to have a sad x-mas without the person i love hope she will come back...posted 3 hours ago ...

A little whiney but we've all been there right...
Scrolled down and found this...

need a roommate....posted 4 hours ago ...

I laughed out loud.
I know I've been hit by some busses in my time and everytime I learned and for the most part have not been hit (seriously) by the same bus twice. Apparently in alternate universes, I have not learned that lesson yet.

trip

Ok, that last post was a downer. this won't be much better but at least its a different subject.

The plan for this years trip has been set for some time but now I'm going through the bureaucracy of getting government approvals and that blows. I'm still going, getting jerked around for no good reason is annoying.

I don't feel any better.

the facebook mirror

Haven't posted a bit but things have been going on.
My last post was a little disjointed so let me clear it up.

On facebook, I added a bunch of Paul Caballero's to see if the life i'm living here is similar to the life I'm living in other bodies in other parts of the world. Apparently, I'm pretty much the same everywhere.

The most disturbing me is a Christian living in texas that does not write very well. He will go silent for a while then go on jags where he posts how great god is and to follow the word. Three four posts in ten minutes. Scary.

When I see him post I'm fascinated but scared. Is there part of me in there too? Probably. As we will see, definitely.

Broke up with the girlfriend. It's been a few weeks. I've been down but handling it.

Checking facebook...What do I see...these are direct quotes from psycho christian me...

BrokeN
This is for the broken hearted.
I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too.

then days later...

You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent

followed by...

i feel so broken inside that it making me cry they said a man does cry i do that a lie when u love someone u cry like a babe plz can one or two of my tell me what to do

Holy shit...!
I'll spare the previous posts where in the space of 20 hours he professes his love for the girl that was his new girlfriend and now it's busted on the side of the road. I remember being that paul caballero...Not too long ago...whoa...

I wrote poems, I cried until my cheeks hurt but fuck I didn't even think I could remember those times.

I posted on the christian me's page to hang on, let it feel as bad as it does because it will get better.

I learned that lesson but wow...to see me having to learn it again....from far away...wow....

the internet is a strange place...

Interesting how the universe works

I'm at the airport. Good trip. Dodgers lost but I had fun. Had some time between things so I check mail, facebook etc.

Checking facebook, the psycho Christian me on facebook posts this...

I had an ex from my past call me. She can't get over past can sum help her get past.

Come on! Really! Even my fucked up Christian self can't hit the fairway when it comes to women?

Plane is boarding.., it gets better...
Depending on how you look at it...

Facebook

So I'm on facebook. I'm conflicted about it. It seems so self important, it brings out the narcissism in a lot of us, and there is alot of that going around in society.
So I thought I would at least put a spin on it.
I searched for Paul caballero's. Turns out there are a lot of them. I'm curios so I friend one in Columbia. He speaks only Spanish. I. Get updates from him I can't understand. I should but I don't. Funny.
I friend another one in new York. He's ok but a little quiet. I pick up one on no cal and another one I texas. 
Interesting to think my other selves living my other lives.
So I check facebook occasionally and one night the Texas me posts three messages in about ten minutes... Crazy shit. Oh fuck! Texas me is a born again Christian! He's posting bible quotes and Sunday school stuff. 
He freaks me out but I decide not to dump him. He is afterall my sort of brother and I have sides of me I don't like but I still keep on going.
Wacky Christian me is quiet a lot but every week or so blasts facebook with manic posts about god and the plan and bible quotes.
Weird.
I don't know where it comes from but I feel connected to all of it.
I'm not changing my course but it's funny when Christian me goes off and I think... What the hell am I talking about?
Colombian me speaks only Spanish and I can't understand and Christian me speaks English and I can't understand. Nice!

hot

Came home the other day. My house was an oven. Heat coming from the floor it was so hot..but Vin Scully on the radio, Dodgers on the TV. Beat the Giants and everything is right.
I dragged myself into the new year. The birthday trip was good but not as exotic as I'm accustomed and the weather has been grey. Things seemed to be in neutral but now we are in the nineties. Dodger beat the giants two in a row and I went to park. Dodgers win, I got to stand in center field and watch fireworks.
Things are good.
Not perfect but when are things perfect really. Enjoy the moments when they come.

fumes

Got up late. Checked the market. I'm down today.
Coffee and cake for breakfast. Out to see the seagram building. Have to see some landmarks and check them off the list.
This city is loud. There is always a conversation within earshot that I can't tune out. The street is ok but on the subway i'm trapped and the average conversation...

Saw the Seagram but did not go in to see the four seasons where the rothkos would have gone.

Down the street was MOMA. Went over to draw. Bad results.

Hungry.

I made a note from a travel channel show to get the beef sandwich at Brennan and Carr's in Brooklyn. It was a long way from where I was but I've been eating like a pig and a ride and walk would do me good.

A long ride and a medium walk and I was there.

Beef, Double Dipped. Beef dipped in au jus. Bun Dipped in au jus. great. gone in less than two minutes. I did not time it but it was pretty quick.

Worth the trip once.

Back at the hotel. The lobby is crowded. Most of the time. This morning I got a seat but that was the only time I've seen it.

I was just down there and it's packed. I found a seat only to be told it was reserved. Finished my pretzel and I"m going to lay down.

Plane tomorrow. Out tonight for something and plan the morning.

night

fuck.
exhausted.
I'm burning as much as I can. Thursday back to work. I like my job but fuck, I have to make this time count.
Went to PS1 MOMA this morning. AWESOME! A converted schoolhouse turned art gallery. It would be worth it to just walk around th builiding.
Cheap chinese from an asian man with a thick grey floor broom mustache. He was a loud and happy guy. Lot of food. Ate the left overs in bed watching TV.
Nap then went to hear live jazz at the smoke club. Another good choice but now I'm beat.
2am here, 11 back home. I hope I haven't fucked my sleep schedule too badly.
more later.

done

about 1230 yesterday, driving up the new jersey turnpike. I see it. The empire state builiding. I had an idea, a concept of being in this moment when I started this trip 10 days ago but that first glimpse was a little surreal.
Toll after toll then, the lincoln tunnel. $5 toll. White tiles underground then sunlight and I was here. The sound, the grime, the lumpy streets. You know you are in New York. Where else could you be?
I flashed back to leaving at 3am in Long Beach. On the road and the road I usually take to Vegas I turned right and now i'm here.
It was more exhausting than I thought it would be. I wanted to be home days ago but pressed. I"m glad I did.
I have nothing to do. No plan and today it snowed for a bit.
I went to a play last night. "Freud's Last Session" that was very well done and a lot of fun. My second play ever in New York.
It's cold and wet now, but from the news it's cold and wet in LA so, fuck, why not be in NY.
Changed hotels. The new one is very cool. LIke an upscale Chelsea Hotel, without the history.
Two more days then home.
Planning for next year.
I have an idea but ...it will take some work.

Busted...

It's just not Vegas. In town up. Leave town flat. Not broke but even. I had one dealer that was fun and professional the rest douchy. Ha! Spell check thinks I don't really mean douchy.
I came for the experience and I got it. Hotel, clean up, rest. Maybe go for round two before I leave.

I should be in NYC in the morning.

That is really what this trip is about...
Later

Ac

Sitting on the beach in Atlantic city. Last time I was here I stayed about three hours. Got my pin, lost 100 then bused back to NYC. Not pleasant. 

I've been here about two hours. Lost 100 but I'm taking my time. 

I put my feet in the surf. Picked up some black scallop shells and feeling the sun on my face. 

This is not Vegas. I can flame out in Vegas and I still love it. The casino here  was like a bus station with carpet. 

The beach is nicer. No one is here. Well not right here. Down sways about 30 kids are gathering. I'm getting out of here.

Funnel cake bound...

green

God where do I start.

Left Louisville this afternoon. Crossed the municipal bridge to Indiana where I had a turkey sandwich on foccaia bread that made me sink in my seat it was so good. The meal deal at this place gives you a sandwich, cupcake, bag of chips and a drink. I'm a genius. I talked myself into a second cupcake instead of the chips. Mortality wise it's probably a push but down the road with a cup of coffee I was again very pleased with my choices.

Somewhere in the east of Kentucky people started to drive 10 over the limit just like back home so I got a little more comfortable with my fellow travellers and I continued to notice the landscape.

Kentucky is pretty. Hills roll with brown veg and trees clumped together. In the spring the green must be deafening but even now the brown curving hilltops are something nice to look at.

I crossed into West Virginia. Mountains. Rolling up, down, up...up..Rocky sides on the roads. Nature had no need for this road man broke it down and put it in.

Richmond. Am I going to make Richmond.

I stoppped at a very very cool Folk Art Museum in Kentucky. Pictures of sharecroppers from the 30's and hand crafted carvings, scultures and paintings that were amazing. You could not get further from the art establishment. I wanted to stay but ...Richmond.

6pm.

West Virginia. Coffee won't help.

Fatigue.

Where to stop. What would fit.

WOW! Greenbrier! The golf resort and it's historical. I saw it on the history channel. Google it. Yes, google it.

It's a little extravagant but I eat cold cuts for a month sometimes to make sure I can do what I want on this trip and this was one of those calls.

I stopped at a mcdonalds, wified the reservation and pulled away.

It's dark now and I get to a gate.


...

The guard smiles and looks down at me...

Caballero....I say...

Yes Mr. Caballero....Up and to the left....

I drive up and it looks like the white house. NICE! Lite up and clean like my house isn't.

Since I had just booked the room they had trouble getting me settled so they upgraded me to ...something....

I got to the room and it must be a suite. 2.5 bath. The room is big. Well appointed. but...fuck....the room....has flowered wall paper...I mean 4 foot fucking flowers in walt disney colors. It's fucking loud...I layed down and I was pretty sure I could hear the wallpaper from the toilet.

The staff are very curteous in that professional way. I can't ask for more.

I go through the welcome pack turn on the tv to the hotel station...WTF! CASINO!
They just opened a casino down stairs.

!!!!

Shower. Sleep for 9 minutes...

FUCK!

In the welcome pack, the casino has a dress code. I like James Bond and all but I'm just not the jacket and tie type and I have ratty tennies. I NEVER anticipated I would be in a place like this.
I called down and they will loan me a jacket and they are not hard and fast about the shoes.

BOOM!

Tonya, the casino concierge, very sweet girl gets me a jacket and I'm in.

The craps table is packed. One table. Wall to wall gringos. Blue hairs on the southend Yuppsters on the North. The yuppsters had their own jackets.

The table is howling so I'm not getting in.

Slots.

Up...down....down...down...small bits....chipping at my stack.

Waiting for the table. They are wedged in .

Zues....I won big on Zeus in vegas....

bing bing bing! Win $100. Nice.

Now I have to get at the table. I ask the manager if he plans on putting a crew on the second table. He says no but there is probably room at the one that's open. He leans in a the older couple split. I'M IN!

So I'm next to a very nice loud white lady that weighs about what a deck of cards weighs but howls "YO!" like a foghorn. To my left is a 6 or 7 foot white haired man with my jacket.

Hey, we are going to get along.

The dice are at the far and and the lady keeps talking to me. I don't like to make conversation very much at the table but sometimes it happens and soundtimes its fun so I go with it.

She wants me to wish for a 4. I guarantee it. 9 9 5 12 3 4....Hey. It's what I do.

Shooter rolls for a while. A good roll. Lady gets the dice rolls. Craps out.

This is what I'm here for. Now I'm still up for the gambling portion of my trip. I could play it safe but fuck come on.... really....why?

My point is five.
Dice...boom! roll
Dice...boom! roll
Dice...boom! roll
I lose one over the rail and I ask for it back. I can hear a guy at the other end of the table. "some people take long but this guy is quick"
Not with everything but ...thanks for the thought.
Dice...boom! roll
Dice...boom! roll
Dice...boom! roll
5
winner..
I'm betting across and hitting my points.
7 out.
I'm down a little but I love the dice in my hand.

There is a lot to see here so I have to be up early to tour the grounds, see the bunker and the gardens. Try to make Richmond or revise my plan.

I kept the jacket.
My plan may include the table .

sleep well.

Time

During this trip I will knock off two things on my things to do list. I'm tired already.
Usually my birthday is an amazing day. Yesterday was nice but not extraordinary and that's ok.
When you consider all of the things going on in the world millions on people would give everything they could for just a taste on normalcy.

During these trips the experience is the thing. Seeing, being, doing, experiencing. Being exhausted. A little frustrated and tense is part of the experience.

Seeing, doing, writing and drawing it all and I can remember it.

Writing on the iPod is tedious so I'll stop here.

The hotel has a casino.

Later

Days with many parts

Yesterday I was in Oklahoma city. Saw the art museum which was nice. On the way out of town I went to the murrah bombing memorial site. It is very well done. Simple. Elegant. Horribly sad. The car ride softened the feel. Terrible there are two ground zeros in the US.

Drive drive drive. The plan was to get to Memphis but fatigue changed my plans.

I stopped in little rock.stayed at the Capitol hotel. An amazing building and a terrific hotel. I never would have thought I would want to return to Arkansas but I do.

The morning came and I went to the Clinton library. Remembering the 90s before Bush seemed so long ago.

Driving again. Memphis. Beale and sun studios. Great stuff! My group sang parts of great balls of fire and I walk the line in the same studio they were recorded in.

A good day.

I'll be out of touch tomorrow.
It's after midnight.
I'm 46.
I've come a long way...

I 40

I'm slowing down. Not pushing for the next stop as I planned and using some of the slack I built in my schedule.
Stopped at four Indian casinos. Up 110 dollars. Nice!
Last casino hand playing card crap...boooooooo.
Coffee pie casino.....repeat.
Free wi fi at McDonalds . Thanks Ronald.
Later

ok ok

Arrived last night from Santa Fe.
Shorter drive but still the drive is getting to me.
Ate. Slept.
Woke up this morning. Oatmeal is $5. Brought to the room. $8.
So I go down to the cafe. The hotel is very nicely done. Historic building with all new appointments. People are friendly. Genuinely friendly. The guy at starbuck could really give a shit about what kind of day I'm having. Here at least, they seem to care.
I sat down, unfolded myself and an older asian lady came to serve me. Her accent was charming and she moved like she wanted to go 90 mph but was told to go 30. I gave her my order and she disappeared.
I drew for a little bit and and came with coffee and turned her head down to talk to me like I was nine years old with a grandma's smile and eyes. It was nice.
Coffee in me, my eyes were cracked open and brain starting to shuffle, the lady...comes....she comes to the table with a plate with fruit and oatmeal...held like it was the kings crown and she says ..."Here comes the sweetie..."
I laugh to myself when I think of it. Those are the moments I love on these trips.
I had two more cups of coffee and finished all my oatmeal.
I asked her name and she told me, Kim. I thanked her for a great breakfast and she told me to come back soon.
So sweet.
Off to the OK art museum, a show on George Nelson. Had not heard of him but his designs I'm a fan of. One of those people whose work you know but have been invisible.
I'm late.
I'll be in Memphis late tonight or tomorrow.
Tired but not exhausted.

santa fe

I don't know.
I planned on getting here in about 10 hours. No traffic and following the plan it took 17. Brutal. I stopped a couple of times to stretch, eat and gamble (I won $30 at a slot machine but lost $60 at the craps table).
Santa Fe just kept getting further and further away.
I left at 3am, about 5 the sun rose directly above the road ahead of me. I had to drive looking away from the road. NICE!
The redstone and desert were great to look at. The day turned the colors so there was always something to watch.
Coming in to New Mexico it was much of the same but the pueblo architecture was all around. There is a good art vibe here.
The hotel is great. Small. Intimate and full of character.
I slept like a log in a deep soft bed.
Now I'm up. 7. I'm never up at 7 but it's vacation and I get full of piss to see everything and keep moving.
I just walked around the St Francis area and it's great. I want to see the city but I have to be in NYC and get the car back.
I have slack in my schedule but I get the itch to move.
Should be in OKC tonight.
later.

Car

Booked the car today.
I'm jacked up for my trip.
Seems my birthday comes along when I need it. Then comes baseball.
Life is good